Critical Psychophysical Passages in the Life of a Woman: A Psychodynamic Perspective (1988)

After the birth of my second son some 11 years ago, I was painfully torn by the timing of my reentry to work-my wish to return to a prestigious and stimulating position as chief psychologist of a large agency, or my equally powerful wish to enjoy fully my beautiful new son's infancy, undivided and untorn. At the time I had a dream that my body was cut in half at the waist-my head leaned to the books neatly contained on the library shelves; my belly went to the crib, all sweet-smelling and soft. Not having had the opportunity to be "un- divided" with my first son (now 17 years old), I chose to resign my agency position and stay home as long as I wished and then develop my private practice. It was a decision that at the time entailed much loss-cerebral, collegial, social, pres- tigious-and generated some self-doubt, but in retrospect it is not regretted and was perhaps wise. This son's infancy will always be remembered as a time in which I experienced mothering with ease and grace.