Our Chicken Little: The First Hundred Days

The Sky Is Falling
A U.S. President like no other-feathered, flustered, and fundamentally confused-declares an existential crisis: the sky is falling! With wings flapping and headlines flashing, Chicken Little's apocalyptic warning grips the nation. But behind every good panic is a profit, and Mr. Foxy Nu, slick media mogul and chaos connoisseur, is ready to monetize the mayhem. As the nation riots and stock prices in "Fox Oil" mysteriously skyrocket, Chicken Little embarks on a desperate quest to find Mr. Pentagon, who might understand what's actually happening.

The Department of DOGE and the Emperor's New Suit
In this reimagining of The Emperor's New Clothes, Chicken Little, craving admiration and efficiency (but mostly admiration), launches the Department of DOGE-a new bureaucratic monstrosity run by Mr. Wolf and buzzwords. Its first project, cut government, its second project spend all the savings on a new suit for the President! A magnificent suit made of "Unobtanium," visible only to the intelligent and fashionable. As tailors D. Fraudit and Scarper con their way into national fame and invisible couture becomes a patriotic requirement, Chicken Little struts naked down the runway, cheered on by citizens too afraid-or too invested-to admit what they see.

The Tariff War
Flush with imaginary triumphs and buoyed by his own bombast, Chicken Little turns to international diplomacy-by declaring a global trade war. Targeting everything from rival nations to penguin-populated Antarctica, his policies are built on bluster and broadcast in real-time. As the economy crashes, ration coupons replace jobs, and America's fishing fleets are wiped out by indignant penguins, Chicken Little insists it's all going according to plan. After all, the Supreme Minister of Guberland just gave him a thumbs-up emoji.