Chip Shop Paradox: Book One of the Fast Food Trilogy

John Longbottom is not your typical hero. He's not particularly brave, clever, or motivated, he has no mysterious scars or bearded mentors and both of his parents are still alive. He prefers tea to action, and apathy to enthusiasm. Unfortunately for him, the universe has other plans.

When his quiet existence is upended by a series of increasingly bizarre events-including mysterious spoons, treacle tarts, enthusiasm cults, and a golden toilet known only as The Neutraliser-John finds himself reluctantly dragged into a cosmic conspiracy involving time loops, existential resets, and a war over the soul of reality itself. Alongside him: Anna, a sharp-witted woman far too competent to be involved in this nonsense, and Alfred-a sarcastic rescue cat with a mysterious past, a Feline Nobel Prize and a red cap of destiny, that he refuses to talk about.

As John stumbles from country fairs to secret tunnels beneath Parliament, dodging cultists and uncovering layers of bureaucratic absurdity, he begins to realise that the fate of everything may depend on his one unique quality: his refusal to care enough to be manipulated.

Part sci-fi satire, part philosophical romp, The Chip Shop Paradox is the first book in the Fast Food Trilogy. It's a story about the quiet power of not trying too hard, the dangers of enforced enthusiasm, and the occasional transcendence of a perfectly brewed cup of tea. With sardines.