Security? Me?: The Chronicles of Dreadman Vigilante

SECURITY? ME? - The Chronicles of Dreadman Vigilante

By Geoffrey Zachary

They asked for security. He brought vibes... and a goat.

In the heart of Brixton, where the trolleys squeak, the shoplifters run fast, and the security cameras somehow always miss the action, one man is on a mission to protect the people. Or at least... try.

Meet Ras Levi "Dreadman" Marley - proud Rasta, spiritual philosopher, part-time poet, and the entirely unqualified founder of One Love Protection Services. His tools? Good energy, reggae wisdom, herbal tea, and an alarming lack of actual security training. His uniform? A reggae high-vis, flip-flops, and a goat called Ziggy (don't ask about the stripes). His plan? Dubious at best.

When Levi decides to launch a one-man retail security empire, Brixton isn't ready. Frankly, neither is he. But what he lacks in experience, he makes up for with unstoppable confidence, creative thinking, and a determination to keep the peace - even if that means chasing shoplifters with a trolley, holding staff meditation circles during peak shopping hours, or mistaking an international security conference for a free Zoom seminar.

In this laugh-out-loud, sharply observed comedy memoir-meets-sitcom, Geoffrey Zachary delivers a riotous collection of self-contained misadventures that follow Levi from his first chaotic shift guarding a Brixton electronics store to becoming an accidental viral sensation and spiritual icon of retail resistance.

Expect:

Hilarious security fails - from the infamous "Handshake that Cost £400" to the "Banana Stand Sting"

Spiritual wisdom in all the wrong places - including aisle 7, the freezer section, and the staff toilet

Recurring retail chaos - featuring goat-led patrols, reggae sound systems, and unsolicited poetry slams at the till

Heart, community, and a gentle poke at modern surveillance culture, bureaucracy, and urban life

Whether he's blessing the rice aisle, hosting a solo Security Summit in his garden shed, or trying to enforce retail peace through Nyabinghi drum circles, Levi proves one thing over and over:

You don't need a badge to guard your people. You just need vibes... and possibly a goat.

Fans of

- The Secret Diary of Adrian Mole

- The World According to Clarkson

- Born a Crime

- Diary of a Wimpy Kid (for adults)

- Urban British satire and Caribbean comedy

...will fall in love with Levi's chaotic charm, Brixton's eccentric heartbeat, and the unforgettable mess that is One Love Protection Services.

"Protect the plantain. Secure the people. The goat's optional... but recommended."

Scroll up, grab your copy, and laugh your way through Brixton's most unconventional security operation.