Help! I've Given Birth to a Teenager: A guide to being a cool teen Mum, while not being a cool teen

A guide to being a cool teen mum, while not being a cool teen mum
By Emily Charles

You've done the nappies, survived the Gruffalo years, and navigated the hellscape of phonics homework. You thought it was over. You thought you were safe. But now... you've given birth to a teenager.

And no one warned you about this bit.

Now your child lives in a hoodie, smells faintly of Monster Energy and only speaks to you in grunts or when they've lost a trainer five minutes before the school bus leaves.

This laugh-out-loud, brutally honest guide is for every mum suddenly navigating:

• The mystery of the overflowing bedroom bin (do you empty it slowly, in case it contains something alarming?)

• Group chat politics that would make Machiavelli weep

• Phone drama, Snapstreak stress and the joy of being tracked on Life360 while you're trying to eat a lasagne in peace

• The horror of stepping on a mouldy plate of food under their bed

Help! I've Given Birth to a Teenager is not a parenting manual - it's a confessional, a survival guide and a very large glass of wine with a knowing look. It's the book you shove into the hands of your school gate friends while whispering, "why didn't anyone warn us?"

From "Can I have a phone?" to "Why are you watching me on Life360?", we explore the great digital tug of war.

Floordrobes, lost shoes and panic at 7:58am
Why your teen will blame you for throwing out their left Nike Air Max (which you didn't).

Mood swings and late-night feelings
When they suddenly want to talk at 11:42pm about the meaning of life, maths homework, and why Chloe "is just fake now, Mum."

The big question: Can you leave them home alone?
You're not trying to abandon them forever. You just want to eat something warm with people who don't grunt.

Snacks, hormones and the fridge that is never full
Why they say they "don't like dairy anymore" while drinking three Yazoo milkshakes and ignoring the fruit bowl you paid £11 for.

Communication: Can a grunt be legally classed as a conversation?
Spoiler: yes. Sometimes it's the best you'll get. Cherish the grunt.

Written with wit, warmth and the occasional internal scream, this book is for every parent who's ever:

• Hidden in the bathroom for two minutes of peace

• Written a fake excuse note for PE

• Texted another parent to ask if they're absolutely fine with their child being in your house while you sneak out for a curry

• Stared at a hoodie on the floor and wondered if it's growing mould

If you've ever cried over missing sports kit, sighed at a floordrobe, or been told "you don't understand" for simply asking how their day was - this book is your new best friend.

Not perfect. Not polished. Just honest. And funny.

Because parenting a teenager isn't about nailing it - it's about surviving it (with snacks, sarcasm, and WiFi).

It's about navigating the transition from Primary to Secondary School.

And no, you're not the only one who Googled "can a 14-year-old legally live off Greggs?"