First, She Chose to Die. Second, So Did I!!!: How My Wife's Suicide Led to My Attempt.

I am Anthony Lewis, and it is with deep sadness that I introduce myself as a widower to suicide.
It brings me to tears to see "in loving memory" anywhere near my wife's name. On March 1st, 2025, I lost my soulmate of 10 years and my wife of 7 years. The owner of my heart and soul, gone in an instant, and in the most horrifying way. She chose to die.
I crumbled under the guilt and buckled under the pain. My mental health issues were exacerbated by the trauma. My life was in ruins. The aftermath was devastating. My decline was rapid. In less than two months after my wife's suicide, I tried to join her in the afterlife. And I followed through with my suicide attempt.
I am here to share our story. To share the impact of the aftermath and the fractured lives left behind after a suicide. To share my perspectives as a surviving spouse and a surviving victim. To show you the mind of a grieving soulmate and the thoughts within me that led to my belief that suicide was the only answer. To explain in vivid detail every bit of our story together, my story following her passing, and paint a clear picture that is easy to visualize and understand. To show others what they can do to help, what they should look for, and to help them understand and give them the knowledge they can use to give support to their loved ones in need.
Why would I tell this story and share these details? Who am I writing this for? I share our story to warn those who contemplate their own death of the damage that is left behind and prove to them that their loved ones won't be better without them, but fractured forever instead. I share to give you insight into the mind of someone who is willing to take their own life and nearly accomplish the task so as to comprehend it and forewarn those at risk of going down that road and show them there is another path forward. I share my story to provide comfort to others who have lost their loved ones and let them see that they are not alone in feeling the way they do, and there are people out there who truly understand that pain.
I write, and I fight, for the mental health awareness my wife so passionately advocated for. I write to honor her legacy and to further fulfill her goals in her memory so that she can continue making a difference.

She and I hope that our pain may spare you and your loved ones from experiencing the same.