A letter for Bert,
I am beginning to have a relationship with my new lump. My fingers have taken on an obsession. Just like a jealous partner, they keep checking that you're there.
Of course, you are still there, aren't you, Bert?! One hopes that, as with a clingy old boyfriend, he won't take the hint and leave. But you cling to me.
So Bert...let the battle begin..