Finding My Vocabulary: A Gay Man's Stories of Discovery, Survival and Self-Determination

Words are funny things. Take woke, for example: it's just a word-it can't hurt anyone. Yet so many people think it can.

This engaging memoir: Finding My Vocabulary, is a literary response to authoritarianism in government, where political actors ban books and limit what words may be spoken in classrooms, falsely claiming that language around sexuality is a threat to American "values." James Philip Baran believes that forbidding discussion and exploration of specific topics, banning words and books, is a clever authoritarian tactic designed to indoctrinate people into intolerance. This memoir's narrative uncovers some of the dangers in an authoritarian worldview, particularly when conservative religion joins forces with politics. The point underscored is that vocabulary, and its association with learning, helps people become well-adjusted, productive citizens, and that words and books are not to be feared.

The Story: At age four, the author has no vocabulary to identify himself, and yet he knows there's something to understand. He sees no role models for his budding identity in the magazines and books at home, on television, or in his community. As a youngster in the late 1960s, he dives into vocabulary in a search for words to define himself, which results in funny situations. Fascinated by Motown music, the child leads playground singalongs. When he begins piano studies, his mother suggests he emulate the style of Liberace, and "Mr. Showmanship" is the first gay role model the author sees-a terrifying one at that. The author's parents join the Seventh-day Adventist Church, and religious dogma suppresses him. His crucible comes at an Adventist college in Tennessee where, in 1981, he is blackmailed to leave the college. Moving on to a more democratic college environment in Illinois, the author finds academic success. He explores the Chicago cultural scene and gay nightlife and finds the man he eventually marries. The couple have a committed, affirming relationship. After a fulfilling career, the author leaves the business in his own way-successful, well-adjusted and empowered. Recalling the lives of his parents, the author finally understands in adulthood how, even as conservatives, they influenced his evolution by allowing him to read. The author revisits the garden of his childhood where an old apple tree stood as a shelter and support in his childhood. This memoir showcases a life story revealing that growing up to be gay is a perfectly normal life path, and that the LGBTQ+ community is a rich part of the American tapestry.